Four short yet at times it seemed so long ago, my son passed due to a motorcycle accident. It has been a rough road and marked at that time a domino of subsequent losses that came after that I am still dealing with the emotional fallout. I have learned however in these last four years that emotions and feelings can not be denied, swept under the rug or shoved down without painful repercussions that manifest with more emotional and mental turmoil or physical health problems. This year, I am trying a new approach to giving space to the emotions I am still dealing with and knowing at certain times of the year, such as August 1st, the date of Jacob’s accident, where I make time to place myself in a healing situation. This year I went to a cabin in the mountains to getaway. A place of solitude that allowed self-nurturing, space for the emotions to be express and receive small pieces of myself, transformed to peace. This is what was needed for me to continue my grief journey and move forward to healing.
Making Space and Time for Allowing is very important. I am learning to realize for experiencing healing a little bit at a time: one day, and at times, one moment at a time. I picked a spot that I knew my soul felt could just lay down and rest. I picked a spot where life is reduced to what is important, minimalized to the essentials, where I could wake up when I wanted and go to bed when I wanted. I picked a place close and within nature. Nature is an awesome purifier. The trees and plants in nature purify the air for us. The ground, rocks, roots, and dirt purify the water for us. I knew I wanted this element in my “Healing Space.” I allowed room to do what I felt like doing, instead of thinking about what I should do. If I didn’t feel like reading and just wanted to nap, I napped. When I was hungry, I cooked or went into town to eat. Now on this little trip to the mountains, due to having custody of my five-year-old granddaughter, she did come with me, but she is for a five-year-old very easy to deal with; however even five-year-old’s have their wants and needs. We did end up going to the Butterfly Daze where they had a butterfly exhibit and crafts for her to participate in as well as a releasing of the butterflies.
Even this part of my trip was healing on a spiritual and emotional level. Each butterfly to be released as a component of transformation and transfiguration. A part of the process of life. Allowing space for the unexpected and change was also a part of my time away. When each of the butterflies was released, it was with the hope of new life to be spread and renewed, much like the emotions, I let go at the cabin. They may not have seemed big or as overbearing as they were last year, but the emotions that remained still needed the space and time created to be realized and released. Continuing to allow for these times and the space needed for healing is all part of the being a part of the necessary changes of our inner self. There is no time limit on when one should stop allowing space and time for these things.
We also went a few natures walks where we found evidence of allowing change through the presentation of the crow. We often heard the caw of the many crows along the way as well as finding feather gifts from spirit crow. The crow signifies change, a dying of the old self and as equally important, the birthing of the new self. Allowing for spirit messages in this case also gave me a message in allowing change. The crow is also a messenger and in allowing self to receive these messages a deeper transformation to authentic self is also realized. Crow also brings messages from our passed loved ones and is confirmation that life is eternal. That life does not in its truest form die. Life only is transformed. Much like what Einstein says about energy, but what we also realize is that life is energy, and it is in allowing that energy to flow that we can find peace.